Building Micro-Resilience in the Moment
Much of what we see about resilience is how to build it over time. And that’s critically important.
But what about the moments where we need to bounce back fast, and just aren’t feeling very strong or resilient? What about “micro-resilience”?
That’s been a question on my mind this week. My brain’s tired and healing. It hasn’t been very cooperative (math isn’t mathing, and words aren’t wording - we won’t discuss how many words I’ve had to correct in the first three paragraphs of this post, please forgive any typos or phrases that don’t make sense).
Yes, I’m resting much more than usual—don’t have too much of a choice there.
And, life is still “lifeing”. There’s still things that need done.
So here are a few things I’m practicing that might help you in those moments, too:
Stop and Breathe. Yep, simple. How often do we forget to do it though? Instead of just a few deep breaths, I use box breathing. It works to activate your parasympathetic nervous system quickly.
Write it Down for Later. When we’re worried about something, we can try to just ignore it or suppress it, but that doesn’t really help fix anything… so write it down for later. Give it a “space” to live where it’s not forgotten but it’s also not stressing you out right in the moment. I keep a list of things I need to make sure to address or take care of, and then put them on my calendar so I know it’s covered but it doesn’t take up my brain space all day long worrying about it.
Take Your Own Advice. When a challenge or problem comes up, as yourself what advice you’d give a client or friend in the situation. It allows you to disconnect and shift perspective in a way that opens up more options for solutions. What advice would you give someone else? Take your own advice.
Validate Your Feelings. It can be tempting to go straight to problem-solving mode when something pops up. But we aren’t wired to go straight to solutions when we’re stressed out, overwhelmed or dealing with big emotions. Validate your feelings first, then move to solutions. Validation doesn’t mean staying stuck in your feelings for minutes, hours, or days… simply acknowledging they exist, then moving forward.
Pause and Refresh. Sure, a massage, movie, weekend off, trip to a beach, or spa day would be great… but what can you do in the 5 minutes between calls or tasks to take care of yourself? Stretch. Step outside. Light a candle or incense. Listen to music. Dance. Breathe. Do something to care for you, even if it’s only 60 seconds - it will help.
All of these things help you build resilience long-term but are also actions you can take in the moment to quickly shift.
What would I tell a friend right now? Get your booty back in bed and rest your head. Ugh. Sometimes it’s frustrating to be right…
It’s easy to look at others and just think they’re built different and that’s why they look so resilient or can handle things that feel overwhelming to us. But we don’t see the energy and journey they’ve been through to build that resilience.
Sure, we come into the world wired a certain way. I’m naturally wired to hide under tables, avoid human interaction, and go invisible when I’m overwhelmed. And that’s exactly what I want to do this week — just hide. I’m frustrated, disappointed in myself for what I am behind on and can’t get done… and damn it, my brain needs to go back to being able to math and word properly.
But allowing that wiring to take over doesn’t help anything. I will get done what I can. I will show up and be honest with people about where I’m at and what I can do right now.
I choose to continue rewiring and building my capacity for resilience. This week I don’t feel very resilient. So I’ll focus on micro-resilience in the moment, rest when I need to, and keep going when I can.