Sometimes the smartest, healthiest thing we can do is “take a beat.”
Step away from something to rest. Pause and think something through. Put ourselves in a bit of a grown up “time out.”
When I’m in challenging situations with others, I often remind myself of Marcus Aurelius’ words: “the best answer to anger is silence.”
While we can only choose to pause for ourselves, sometimes no response allows others there own moment to rethink what they’re saying or doing. Sometimes it doesn’t, but at the very least it prevents us from jumping into the mud with someone, saying things we regret, or losing our own cool.
Easy? Never. Worth it? Always.
And the best answer to my own anger? Also silence.
Process it. Unpack it. Figure out if it’s justified, and if so, what’s within my control to change, and what isn’t.
That’s my challenge and reminder to myself (and to you!) today.
It’s okay to take a beat. Pause. Rest. Think it through.
The things that we stress about nearly always have alternative solutions… if we’re clear-headed enough to think it through, or listen to others offering ideas.
How often do we get frustrated and refuse to even consider solutions others offer? Simply responding with “it won’t work because” or “I’ve tried that” before even hearing them out?
It’s counterproductive. Sure it might feel good in angry moments to act like our flying off the handle is justified because it’s a horrible, frustrating problem and of course we’ve already thought of every possible solution and they are all terrible solutions too.
But does that attitude help anything? Nope. And it causes people around us to realize it’s not worth trying to help us solve problem because we reject potential solutions and spew our anger on them (even when they didn’t create the problem, aren’t responsible for it, and are dealing with plenty of problems themselves they haven’t complained to us about… perspective is a powerful thing, when we can keep it in mind).
Many problems solve themselves if we have a bit of patience, and don’t freak out. I can think of a list of things that I COULD get bent out of shape over since we’ve moved off the grid… and they’re all things that either creativity or time brought a solution to. So why waste energy being angry or stressing out over them?
A few months ago, USPS changed their policies without notice and refused to accept FedEx or UPS packages (we’re rural and our local post office had made an exception, literally giving us the street address and directions on how to use it with UPS and FedEx when we paid for our post office box last Spring). Seemed like it could be a big problem, since we can’t get street delivery. I could have reacted immediately. I chose to wait and not let myself get worked up beyond taking the necessary action to track down all my packages that had gone missing.
Could it be a huge issue? Yes. All the parts Mr. Black Flag Ranch needs for his diesel shop ship FedEx or UPS and most don’t offer USPS as an option. Amazon won’t let me choose a shipping method. Chewy only ships FedEx. Since we’re so rural we order a lot of necessities online.
I waited to see what would happen before running to the nearest big city and paying for a mailbox with somewhere that accepted FedEx and UPS but would be expensive and would take a nearly 3 hour each way trip to check.
A local ministry began accepting packages for people in the area. Crisis averted? Shortly after the solution was put in place, there was question as to whether they’d be allowed to continue and it was up in the air for a few weeks. I still took a “wait and see” approach. Why panic before it’s necessary? Wait and see how things shake out.
It’s settled now and they’re continuing to accept our packages. We pick them up when we pick up the post office mail. Simple solution.
Sure, it might change in the future. And we’ll figure it out again then, if it does. But I won’t let it add to the list of things I’m already anxious about. Focus on today. The future will do what it does.
"A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary." - Seneca
We always have a choice: Find a problem for every solution, or find a solution for every problem. So take a beat and then choose wisely.